Arlene and two adopted dogs.

Just a blog from someone who loves to communicate with other dog owners

SPITE


I have called this post SPITE, as I can’t think of anything else that would fit. Let me explain.

My grand daughter  Lisa was showing me some photos and we came across a rather tattered looking picture of a couple on their wedding day, the picture had been cut through the middle with pinking shears but had been lovingly taped back, covered over with cellophane with a piece of lace attached so it could be hung up, I felt a pang of sorrow, it was my first husband and I taken on our wedding 26th October 1957, we were married for thirteen years and had two daughters, it unfortunately started to go wrong, we separated and then divorced. At the time. all I could think of was my hurt, and destroyed many photos, my oldest girl [also Arlene] had obviously rescued this one and mended it, cherishing it all these years. I felt ashamed of my spiteful actions and wished with all my heart I could undo a lot of the hurt and pain that was caused through the bitter acrimony of the divorce and the years that followed, I’m not saying who was or wan’t to blame, it’s all water under the bridge now, Rest his soul he is now dead, he never re-married and went through a bad time before succumbing to cancer. 

I asked Arlene if I could have the photo and I would have it restored, which she was happy for me to do.

I also had copies for myself and my other daughter Karen. 

How I wish I could mend and put together the unhappiness we put them through, children are just so blameless in these circumstances, but are the ones that suffer most, I’m not saying that it would have made my marriage work, but I often wish I could turn the clock back and have a try, maybe trying to understand a little better, or maybe just taking a different road to trying to solve the problems ? who knows, but the past we never had is as obscure and hidden as the future we cannot see. But anyway here is the picture in it’s restorative state.Almost fifty four years have past since then, am I any wiser? I hope so, I don’t think I would carry spite so far now. 


Arlene and Billy Scott

26/10/1957

I write this with tears running down my cheeks, thinking of all the wasted years, and what might have been.

As he gave me two wonderful daughters I feel I owe him this gesture.

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8 Comments

  1. Thank you for the compliment Robyn, but more so for sharing your life experience with us, I think many people must have heartache and regret hidden behind a ‘happy’ façade, and maybe it’s as well it is mostly hidden, or we’d be a sad sorry sight going through life. I also think that we are mostly accepted with all our faults and follies, which is just as well, we can’t really go through life always looking back and wondering’ what if we’d taken the other road’
    I keep telling myself this and trying to really really believe it.

  2. CatsRuS

    That’s a beautiful wedding picture Arlene, a very good looking couple too I might add and very well restored too.

    I tore up my marriage certificate when my ex-husband and I were still married, toward the end of the marriage. I was feeling hurt, he was feeling hurt and I tore it up and told him this is how I feel about our marriage. He too is now deceased due to a drunk driver. I wish I’d never torn up the certificate because I can still see the hurt in his eyes. But he knew I still cared when he was in the hospital from the accident, because my son and daughter told him I was on the ferry on my way to the hospital. But he sadly died before I got there.

    I guess when we’re young we let our emotions rule instead of our heads on the spur of the moment. I’m sure most people look back and wish they hadn’t done things like tearing things up like pictures and marriage certificates and which they’d handled situations diferrently. So don’t feel too bad. Speaking for myself, I was a young little hothead in my day. LOL,
    Lovely blog Arlene, straight from the heart. .

  3. well you made a sweet couple to start with … im so sorry it ended badly. divorce always hurts. still, it seems with the restoration of the picture is the restoration of your heart where the past is concerned. regrets … maybe. but still with some sense of mending woven in.
    k☼

    • Thank you Kirsten, true words that divorce always hurts, more so when children are involved, I am so lucky that mine have never judged nor condemned either of us,, though they do understand the reasons.

  4. Lovely restoration…don’t beat yourself up about the past Arlene…your experiences, trials and tribulations contribute to who you are today. If you had not had them you would be a very different person today than who you actually are. Your actions then have been repeated by many many other hurt soulds around the world, they symbolise all that you described above by way of feelings in such circumstances and that is not something to be ashamed of. It’s just a part of the grieving process when something goes so wrong that it has to end. If you didn’t care and were cold and without feelings you would have done nothing. But you would have not been Arlene then. Better to express yourself that way than turn it on yourself in depression or worse. As Pen said; “you have honoured yur ex husband and also laid your feelings to rest” Wise words and true. Hold them to your heart and let the guilt go! Woflie hugs 🙂

    • I wish I’d put on the original photo before restoration Wolfie, it makes you realize the clever computing that’s done on it, I was so pleased, and thank you for your understanding, it’s just a pity it took me so long to come to terms with it. It was a bit of a watershed.Thanks for the hugs they make me feel better, hugs to you too

  5. Arlene, {{{hugs}}} to you, and I just want to say, we’re all only human, and we automatically react to situations first and think later. So many lives are torn apart by Divorce, my father and mother split up years ago and divorced many years after, but we children were brought up by our Mum, and only once did we see our Father before he died. Her family made it clear that if she went back to him they would cut off all ties. So , that’s how it ended and I don’t even have a picture of him. At least now you have the restored photo, and ok, regrets, but what might-have-beens don’t count, it’s you, as you are now, who have come through all the turmoil to be the loving soul I feel through your blogs. You have honoured your ex husband and also laid your feelings to rest… Not a bad thing eh?… Here, have a hankie..and hugs from me,…To you, Tango and to Ruby… and a smile to Billy … xPenx

    • Oh Pen that is so sad for your Mum and for you children, at least i didn’t have any pressure from anyone, maybe it would be better for me if I’d had, then I could lay the blame elsewhere. but the decisions were mine alone., but hearing your story makes me feel mine wasn’t perhaps so bad after all. I have pretty much come to terms my younger daughter says I couldn’t have changed him but I just wish I’d maybe tried a little harder and not thrown in the towel so quickly. I’ll accept that hanky and it will be put to good use, and I’ll wring it out before I send it back. Thank you most sincerely for your kind and uplifting post.

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