Arlene and two adopted dogs.

Just a blog from someone who loves to communicate with other dog owners

The Phone Call

This morning the phone rang, I picked it up and a voice on the other end said is that you Arlene? it’s Jean H here, right away I had a premonition, and said, ‘you’re going to tell me some bad news aren’t you’ she said ‘yes’ Fergie died last night. I had a pang of sadness, I’ve known Fergie for over forty years, he and his wife were both from Edinburgh in Scotland, and as I also come from Scotland we struck up a friendship, We were in Dog Obedience Competition most of these years, but his wife Cath died sixteen years ago, and although he still had the dogs, he never competed again, though helped out at shows.

I’d phone him from time to time and we exchanged cards at Christmas,  I noticed this Christmas when I received his card his signature was a bit shaky, and thought, I must give him a call, but as he was inclined to not let you go once he got you engaged in conversation, it was something I put off unless I had  felt I could spare the best part of an hour.

But to my shame I just never got round to it, and now it’s too late,  I feel bad about it, how could I have been so selfish. he was just short of his ninetieth birthday, so why shouldn’t an old man have the luxury of having a good chat on the phone with an old friend? How mean I was to deny him that.

So at the risk of sounding moralising , take note of this post, and make that phone call or send that note to someone who you know will appreciate it and it might just make their day, tomorrow might be too late, it was for me.

Thank you for visiting and please come back, Arlene, Tango and Ruby


  1. We all have regrets and this reminds me that I should call someone I haven’t talked to since I moved here.

    • You pick up that phone Great granny, you won’t regret it, and I’m glad i might have pricked a few consciences. Thank you all for your comments.

  2. Don’t go beating yourself up over it Arlene. I’m sure he wouldn’t have wanted you to or that he would view it the way you are. We all do it at some point so don’t be so hard on yourself! It’s for precisely that reason I have been so determined to go to my Aunt’s 90th do next month – I might not see her again and I’ve l’ve failed in that way before and left it too late…selfish Wolfie…so you see you are far from alone. And there will other chances like with me to “make amends” if that is the way we choose to view it. Chin up!

    • Thanks Wolfie, I expect i’ll give him an extra little prayer of my own at the funeral. do go to your Aunt’s party, she will be jolly lucky if she sees another, but then………….people are living longer.

  3. well take comfort in the knowledge that he didnt know you hadnt called yet … and forgive yourself. im sorry for your loss, arlene. but on the other hand, what a full life he must have had. i bet he had lots to talk about, being about 90yrs!
    i have lost some opportunities to bless someone, or even save someone. i passed on a scene where an older man was talking to two young children on a neighborhood street, as i was on my way to a bible study. i had a weird feeling about it, like a red flag in my knower … but i second guessed myself, and didnt stop to ask if everything was alright. i regret that. i never shook the feeling that that man was a predator. i will never know if those children were harmed or not. i have never ignored that sense of warning since then.
    these kinds of things cannot be retrieved … thanks for the post to remind us to act.

    • Kirsten I bet for every one you’ve missed, there will be ten who have benefited, My impression is that you are a very caring and thoughtful lady, so keep that close to you in place of guilt.
      I have been trying to make enquiries for our friend Jenny D but not mush success. I just don’t feel right that she should disappear without us knowing what has happened.
      Thank you all for you support.

  4. I think a lot of us can empathise Arlene, and I’m so sorry about the guilty feelings you’re left with, instead of the sadness of loss, you have the added burden of ‘if only’ ..
    There was a lady I used to live nearby before moving here. I became too busy and she phoned now and again and I always promised to take Bess and visit. I went once or twice, but then it became to much of an effort. That was how I looked at it to my shame. When I finally stirred myself and called round there was no answer. I put a note through a neighbours door with my phone number on it and I received a phone call saying Ruth had been taken into hospital and died. I attended her funeral and my tears were for her and for myself. My guilt. SO I do know where you’re at my friend. All it takes is a bit of time and a phone call saying words to reach someone and lift their lives.
    Now I’m all teared up, which is making my cold extra sniffy!! (started with a cough and now it;s a head cold..!! sobs!!) 😉
    Now ther’es three of us on guilt trips. sobs!! xPenx
    Bess says she’s ok, she’s always, always thoughtful!! right!! Hugs to you Tango and Ruby from her Maj and sniffer!!

    • Thanks Pen, I think it’s probably something common even in close families, I’m forever telling my family that they must check in on me every other day if possible, which it is by phone or e-mail, Karen is very good but as Arlene works full time it’s not so easy, I know they care deeply but as I say they would never forgive their-selves if I was dead about a week before being found. Oh dear, the dark side of me is showing.
      Thank heaven for my dogs, so extra hugs to Bess XX

  5. I had something like that happen to me as well. I was thinking of a friend, hadn’t thought of her in a while and was thinking I need to go visit her. Wendy lives a 10 minute walk from here, But I put it off as there is a mean dog down that way who runs lose and becomes quite snappy when you walk past his house, so it put me off going.. Then a couple of weeks later I got a phone call to say she had committed suicide, I felt so bad about not going to visit her maybe a visit from me could have brightened her day a bit… I felt bad about not going and copping out over a snappy dog.. Oh well.
    Sorry to hear of your loss, They can get very lonely when there partners die and that’s why he chats to you for such a long time, you would have brightened his day up for sure if you had just called… So now we are both on guilt trips.
    Hugs Lady Jude

    • Thanks Lady Jude, I expect we’ll get over it,but it’s a wake up call, and I hope I take note. Sorry to hear you’ve got problems with an unsocial dog, we would have a dog warden on the case here in UK. I thought you were going away for a while so haven’t visited, I shall right that this evening. I’m having lunch and tea with a friend to-day. Bye for now and Thank you

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